Opening available for fulltime cat. No health benefits.

So, we have decided we are going to get a cat named Whiskers. A successful candidate will:
1. Not have any whiskers.
2. Only poop once a year. Ideally, this would happen at our discretion, by squeezing in a standard cat press.
3. Be a boy, obviously, because girls never poop.
4. Speak English, or at least have some kind of translation software.
5. Cuteness requirement:

Must be at least as cute if not cuter than this, but with no whiskers, and also be a cat and not a bunny.

No health benefits, but room and board are included, and we’ll guarantee at least 30 min of petting per day.If anyone knows a good cat that fills these criteria, please let us know. Position is open immediately.

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