Category Archives: silly

Cross those fingers for us, y’all!

As you NYers know, the NY State Lotto MegaMillions Jackpot is up to $640 MILLION–a record! For funsies, we bought a lotto ticket. Our numbers are:

03, 11, 38, 46, and 56
and our bonus number is 34.

Wish us luck! Of course if we win we’ll treat all y’all to the fanciest dinner of your lives. Other favors like paying off student loans, purchasing of cars, luxury vacations, etc etc will be considered on a person-by-person basis 🙂

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A letter to the felice brothers

Dear Felice Brothers,

I have to be honest: before last night, I had fallen solidly out of love with you. But I’m writing now to tell you that I was wrong, and I’m sorry.

It was love at first sight back in November of 2007 at the DAR Constitution Hall. And like most fast loves, I fell hard. After our first hugs and discovery of our mutual love of drinking booze out of jars, I was totally obsessed. From then on, I traveled wherever I could to see you, introduced you to all my friends and family, and then started baking you cupcakes.

But after a couple years, the shine started wearing off.  Simone, whose literary leanings gave him a special place in my heart, bailed on our relationship to see other people. You other brothers had grown distant as more and more admirers came flocking. I felt held at arm’s length and brushed off, and like our long-term relationship was no longer valuable. Finally, in Richmond, I brought along a slew of friends to meet you, and it was like we’d never met. I was crushed.

So I broke up with you–put all my mementos of our time together out of sight, stopped trying to see you, put away all your CDs. I mourned our inability to keep things together and wished in vain for a return to simpler times. But a part of me wished we could get back together.

Fast forward two years. I now live in NYC and had meant to check out the Bell House (or so I told myself), when I realized you’d be there this week. So I decided to stop in and say hi and see about rebuilding at least a friendship.

And you were electrifying; you were nostalgic and new all at once. We all had fun together (thanks for the dance, Ian) and the energy was unbelievable. It was somehow a mix of warm comfort and an ass-shaking good time, and just like that I was in love again. Also it didn’t exactly hurt that you had Conor Oberst join in for a bit…and just fyi he’s welcome into our relationship anytime.

I’m sorry I ever broke up with you, Felice Brothers. Please take me back?

Love,
Carly

Mothers’ Day

Let’s be honest: Mothers rock. I know many amazing mothers, but none so amazing as one Miz Momma Ro. I have a very long list of things to thank her for, so I’ll just mention the highlights here and leave the rest for the [admittedly, belated] card she’s receiving:

1. Mom, thanks so much for always supporting me no matter what I do, no matter how idiotic or headstrong it may seem, and making an effort to help me learn from my mistakes. I’ve always used you as a model when advising my friends and feel like I have stronger relationships because of that. Also thanks for standing up to Ms Hawkins for me when I was in second grade. I think you know what I mean.

2. Thank you immensely for being an example of a strong, smart, driven woman who doesn’t take shit from anybody. My feminism is certainly rooted in the surprise I felt when I realized that not all moms raise their daughters to be outspoken, opinionated and brainy.

3. Finally, thanks for always taking exceptional care of me, including pushing me when I need tough love and making me a heating pad out of a sock when I have a stomacheache. And for all the times I woke you in the middle of the night, all the hospital visits (there haven’t been many, but still) and every other ounce of love you’ve given me, in sickness and in health.

Me and my momma, 1987-ish:

❤ you Momma! – C

Opening available for fulltime cat. No health benefits.

So, we have decided we are going to get a cat named Whiskers. A successful candidate will:
1. Not have any whiskers.
2. Only poop once a year. Ideally, this would happen at our discretion, by squeezing in a standard cat press.
3. Be a boy, obviously, because girls never poop.
4. Speak English, or at least have some kind of translation software.
5. Cuteness requirement:

Must be at least as cute if not cuter than this, but with no whiskers, and also be a cat and not a bunny.

No health benefits, but room and board are included, and we’ll guarantee at least 30 min of petting per day.If anyone knows a good cat that fills these criteria, please let us know. Position is open immediately.